Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thinks are going so well. I haven't thrown up in well over a week and aside from the cold I feel AMAZING. I'm loving the gym more and more each time I go. I even enjoy the days that I don't work with Jesse now. And I think I also really enjoy it when people comment on the amount of weight I have lost (there's not a day goes by that someone doesn't comment. It's alot of attention and even though it's positive attention and it's supposed to be a good thing it really can be uncomfortable at times). I don't always feel like I deserve it. I know it's crap and I do deserve it but there's this crappy voice in the back of my mind that say's NO YOU DON'T. It's not that I'm afraid that I'm going to blow it or ruin it in some way. I just find myself really uncomfortable with the whole thing.
There are signs of hope though. I have caught myself looking at myself in the mirror more and more (sometimes even with no clothes on as gross as that is. lol). I still hate the mirrors at the gym and want NO part of them.
I'm weighing in at 297lbs now, that's an unbelievable 140lbs down. It's been years since I've seen these numbers. And my final goal weight is only 60lbs away!
I'm in a wedding this weekend and went today to pick up my tux and had to exchange the pants for a smaller pair. I told the girl last month when she measured me that she was picking a waist that was to large but she informed me that the tape measure doesn't lie:(
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
I've been able to replace most of my gym clothes already, that is a great feeling. Jesse had me facing the mirror the other day doing shoulder presses and I was somewhat grossed out by how flabby and sloppy I was looking. So off to GoodWill I went and donated the last of my 4X and 3X tee shirts. I'm all 2X now:)
I can't remember if I mentioned that I bought a bike or not. One with a wide seat of course:))
I've taken it around the block a few times and it is a nice break and a chance for fresh air. I'm afraid to get to far from the house just yet in case I pop the tires and have to push it home. Sad but true!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
My first goal for myself after WLS was to be able to finally play the Wii Fit and last week I was able to get on the damn thing and not have it go crazy and shut down and reboot. It felt so wonderful to actually have it say Welcome! I was able to create a profile and have signed on almost everyday since. It even said my Wii Fit age is 3 years younger than my real age.
I'm still working out 4 days a week at the gym, 2 of those days with a personal trainer. I still have trouble believing how different I feel. There are times when I actually find myself dancing around I have so much energy that I can't stand still. I don't want to stand still and I have the energy to actually move around for long periods of time. The trainer is still whooping my ass but I feel great for the rest of the day (sore but great). If this is what 100lbs less feels like, what is 200lbs less going to feel like???
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Saturday in the salon a lady came up to me and said how much different I look since she saw me last and just had to ask a few questions about it. I told her I had Gastric Bypass surgery at the end of April. She said she knew someone who had that done also but hers didn't go so well, she thought the lady had it done in a small town a couple of hours outside of the city where we live. This lady really just hit me the wrong way (like she was gossiping about the lady she knew) so I just went right in lieing mode. I told her I also had my surgery done at that town at the Vet college that is there. I told her they do an experimental surgery that is having HUGE success. I said that they take one of the stomach's from a cow, since they have 2 they don't even have to kill the cow. I said there's an enzyme in the cows stomach that process' food so fast that you don't absorb the calories from the food. She said that sound so cool, how do I feel? I said that I get alittle sick to my stomach every now and then but if I chew on raw grass (organic of course) it really seems to settle the nausea. She just kept going on and on about how cool it is.
I finally told her I'm totally full of shit and she was really embarrassed for falling for it.
Friday, August 14, 2009
I'm still going to the gym 4 days a week and working out with Jesse 2 of those days. He gives a new meaning to "rode hard and put away wet", I have a hard time walking to my car when he is done with me. My legs are shaky for days afterwards. And somehow he keeps me coming back for more. He hasn't yelled at me yet, for that I'm thankful.
I'm thinking my bout with throwing up has finally moved on, it's been a couple of weeks since I've thrown up. I do have bouts of nausea every now and then, but they don't last long and are more than worth it.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I show up alittle early so I can spend alittle warm up time on the treadmill. "Jesse" comes over to get me right on time and suggest that we go set outside and get to know each other.
Alright, my first impression of Jesse is: cute and about 100lbs soaking wet. So we go outside and set on a bench and he starts his Q & A and is doing lots of writing. I tell him I'm 3 months out from Bariatric Surgery and I have a release from my surgeon. He tells me he is a marathon runner and that is a big interest of his as a trainer and wants to know if I'm trying to train for a marathon. I say "no way in hell, unless he wants to pay for me to get new knee's. 'Cause if this big ass trys to run my knee's will blow out pretty fast". He tells me he doesn't know much about Weight Loss Surgery (I really appreciate his honesty and that he didn't just try and fake his way thru this to get a client). We talk about this & that for abit and finally agree to give each other a try and just see how it goes. We spent the next hour together and did great together, although he did confess at the end that he was pretty nervous during the Cross-Fit training. He kept asking me if I felt like I was going to throw up or dizzy. I was VERY dizzy but never felt like I would throw up (he told me it was his job to clean it up if I did and he really didn't want to do that). It was very obvious that his average client was in much better shape than I am. He would always start out by saying "now drop fast to the floor and give me 20 push ups as fast as you can" and after I would do 5 he would chicken out and say "alright that was enough, stop and rest". I admit there's no way in Hell I could do 20 push ups but isn't it his job to try and make me? I think he knows a puker when he see's one! What ever the reason, I'm thankful he has a heart. ha ha
We ended out hour together without hateing each other (or at least I liked him) and he said he finds this surgery very interesting and wanted to work with me. He offered to split his normal hour sessions into 30 min. sessions and then just put me on a treadmill afterwards (since I can't do an hours worth of this cross-fit thing without stroking out). That was very nice of him and since he is $40 per hour I took him up on it. So I'm going to meet with him every Monday and Tuesday for a while and then I'll be on my own during the week.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I've been walking pretty regularly and honestly feeling fantastic. I haven't felt this well in years. I have had a few times where my body can't seem to keep up with my mind. But I can certainly tell that I am not carrying as much weight around. My knee's and feet don't bother me near as much (used to be a daily thing).
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I just got home from my monthly "support group", I"m always so inspired by the folks there. The first hour of the group is for people who haven't had the surgery yet. I've written about this before but it's worth 'talking' about again. There's always the people who come in with their list of questions that end up talking about all the thing's their going to have to give up. You really get the feeling that their just wanting some validation in not having the surgery.
I totally get it, the surgery isn't for everyone. It's a HUGE step and not the right step for everyone. But these people have spent almost a year going thru many hoops (and in lot's of cases lot's of money) to get to this point and then want to back out.
I also understand this is a very scary surgery and in no way am I trying to be unsympathetic. It took me several years to get up the courage to follow thru with the surgery. I guess I just don't understand how you can set thru an hour of listening to the people who have had the surgery and how amazing their life is now and that their only regret is that they didn't do it sooner and still think it's not the right thing to do.
I do believe that if your not ready for the surgery then by no means should you do it.
Again, there are many paths to a healthier life and weight and this surgery is only one of the paths. It's a path not for everyone.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Last night I stopped by the store to get some light mayo so I could make some tuna salad (I live on tuna salad these days) and decided to try and bag of Hot and Spicy Pork Skins (they were passing them around at my last group meeting). Well I ate way to much of them and went to be with a terrible stomach ache. I had horrible dreams all night long (Hannibal Lecture was eating my friends and I was trying to save myself and still help my friends). This morning I was almost back to normal so all was good.
Well for dinner I grilled some chicken breast and thought I would try and eat one (it is in the diet phase I'm in). I got several bits down and all of a sudden I had some sharp pain in my chest. It felt like I swallowed a knife. I ran to the bathroom and spent the next 45 min. throwing up. OMG it hurt so bad. It's been about 2 hours since I moved to the couch and all is going well so far.
I know I just got comfortable and tried to jump ahead faster than I should have. And I paid the price. Trust me I will be careful from now on.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I feel so much better this week compared to the last two. There are even times that I catch myself forgetting about the surgery all together, I feel so normal.
I cooked dinner for the family and I tried to eat a piece of chicken with them. I did finish, but it sure did hurt. I pan fried the chicken in water with no breading and I think maybe I should have steamed it or boiled (poached) it. Oh well, I'll keep trying.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I start back to work tomorrow and man am I ready. Just the last 2 days I've had a major energy breakthru and now I'm bored. I really think it has to do with moving up to the next food stage. I'm now in the soft food stage now and there's more choices. I can have scrambled eggs (even with a small amount of cheese). I no longer have to put my chicken or tuna salad in the blender. I just have to chew it to a mush, but it's nice to have some texture in my mouth.
To think that I'm only 3 weeks out from surgery and I feel so different already. I can feel a big difference just around the house, like when I go up and down the stairs or just doing things around the house.
Monday, May 4, 2009
I'm very shocked at how much I think about food. It's not cravings or urges to eat food, but I still think about food nonstop. Again, I'm not thinking about what I missing or craving.
We still watch Food TV more than any channel. Even when I'm reading my book, Food TV is on in the back ground. Since I'm home full time now I've been cooking dinner for the family everynight. I'm not tempted at all and I really enjoy doing nice things for my family and I do set with them and eat my pureed tuna while they eat.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I thought my driving was pretty good but the family informed me that I should prob. stay close to home for a few more days. We'll see.
I just can't tell you have good I feel. Still no pain and really not even any discomfort. I still don't have enough energy to go back to work but if I worked a desk job I really think I could do it. I have a week and a half to go though before I can go back (doctors orders).
Today I had chicken salad for dinner and tuna salad for lunch. Both were fantastic and I was full after about 3 tablespoons full.
The weather here has been nice temps but rainy so not much happening outside. I've been putting my Netflix subscription to the limits.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I am down 45lbs today from 3 weeks ago. Very cool. I won't in any way say it's been a hard week (it was WAY easier that I thought it would be), but I can tell I'm getting tired of being tired. I know all I need is time and I do have time. I've been doing my daily walk around the block and started cooking dinner for the family. I haven't taken anything for pain in several days now and I have to say I'm amazed that physically I feel good. My only complaint is that I have no energy.
I have been able to do more ready and computer play though. ha ha
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I'm on a Bariatric phase 2 diet (liquids that can go thru a strainer). I got up at 5;30am this morning (I am having a very hard time sleeping for any lenght of time) and had about 3 teaspoons of sugar free yogurt and my stomach felt very distended. I laid back down until 10am and then got up and had a 5 oz protein shake. Then for lunch I had 5 ozs of chicken broth with protein powder added. Tried to set out on the patio for awhile (can't concentrate enough to read my book yet), made it about an hour an then came back in for an hour nap. Got up and took my first shower since the surgery (yes I was smelly). I set up and was able to read my book for about 45 mins and then ate dinner with the family (I had 2 ozs of yogurt and they had spicy turkey helper).
I go back to the surgeon next Tuesday to check for a gut leak and to have my drain removed. I can start driving then if I'm off the pain pills (I can take one every 4 hours and I've only had one today all day). I still need them more at night but as long as I go easy in the day time my bouts of pain seem to pass fairly fast.
I am so happy to be this far along with the process and can't wait to see how I feel next week.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I've lost 20lbs on the pre-surgery diet in the last 2 weeks and I'm ready for the rest to leave me.
My partner and I went to our first "support group" this past week. It is a pre-surgery requirement and I put it off to the last minute because I was kind of dreading it and it turned out to be an amazing thing. The doctor should film a group session and use it as part of this recruiting. The group opened with all the post-ops going around the room saying their name, how long ago they had their surgery and the total amount of weight they have lost. One lady had lost 500lbs and several people had lost 300lbs each. The nurse told us at one point the group had added up how much they had lost total and it was over 1/2 ton. The pre-ops were given 1hour to ask questions of the post-ops and they were very eager to share with us. I just can't describe how inspiring the whole thing was.
My last day at work was Saturday and I don't go back for 3 1/2 weeks. I'm actually more nervous about that than I am about why I'll be off work.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I've been trying lost of protein shakes and finally settled on the first one I tried. My first case of protein powder came today from Unjury.com. It actually taste pretty good. I also signed up for auto delivery of the many vitamins I will be taking from BiaritricAdvantage.com. They have a pretty good deal if you sign up for auto delivery. So, I'm all set now for the big day.
I have stopped eating red meat and started drinking a protein shake a day. Next Monday I start my 1200 calorie a day diet. We are going to take all my before photo's this weekend and do my before measurements. I'm actually not looking forward to either of those.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
The first day of my new life is: April 20th. I'll be the second surgery of the morning for the surgeon. I figure that the surgeon can get into his groove on the first person and really be ready to work by the time he gets to me.
I am so excited to start my new life. I hope to have more energy just in time for some fun summer fun. I've been trying to walk the new puppy around the block a few times a week. I enjoy the fresh air alot and she loves getting out of the yard.
I hope to be posting a fair amount leading up to the day of surgery. I will use this blog as my journal and plan on getting all my concerns and dreams for my new life down so I can always look back at the life I felt traped in for so many years.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
I got a phone call from the surgeon's office yesterday saying that my health insurance wanted a 5 year date and weight. So I called my doctor and had it faxed over right away. This is the 4 week since my meeting with the surgeon and he said I should hear yea or nea withing about 4 weeks. Of course I'm thinking no news is bad news :((((
Our new puppy Lucy was spayed yesterday and she is doing fantastic. We actually had to put her in her crate this evening because she just wouldn't stop playing with one of the other dogs. The vet called today to remind us to keep her calm and NO playing even if she feels like it.
Anyway other than the money stuff, life is really going well. I'm SO ready for spring, please hurry up!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
So, now the surgeon will send a letter to my insurance company and then they'll call me to get it schedule. He thought I should hear from his nurse with in about 4 weeks and hopefully be on track to have the surgery no later than April. This of course makes me VERY happy, since this is what I've been working on for a long time.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The dog we are looking at is a 6 month old extra large brown female named Lucy.
This past Sunday Lucy came over for her first visit with our WHOLE family. So in prepreation for the visit we brought Agnes in the house that morning and let her take a bath in the kids bathtub (she just loves it when we fill up the tub with warm water and let her swim). Usually for the first hour or so she's in the house she does some major pooping and then tapers off and is good for a few hours. She is actually diaper trained but she "puts out so much the diaper can't hold it all". So after her bath we put her in the "pet room" with a portable heater until she drys. Just has she's coming out of the tub Lucy shows up for her visit. It went fantastic with our other 2 dogs and the kids. We were all sitting at the kitchen table with the breeder facing the "pet room" and after about an hour the breeder happens to notice Agnes poking her bill thru the pet gate. Very calmly the breeder says "Now boys! You didn't mention that you have a duck . You do know that Standard Poodles are WATER RETRIEVERS????? Just how attached are you to that duck?" Then she sat there staring at us somewhat gasping. It was SO funny!
I told her that I had done my homework and had talked to 2 different large poodle owners who lived on farms and had had no issues with the Poodles getting along with every one. I felt that since Agnes is in no way afraid of the dogs and would not run from them under any circumstance (the dogs are retrievers not killers) we were up to trying it. So the breeder says " Well let the damn duck out and lets get this over with!"
So we opened the gate to the room and Agnes RAN over to Lucy and bit her on the nose. Lucy let out a small yelp and backed way off. Then Lucy laided down about 5 feet from Agnes and just couldn't stop staring at her. But never got close again. Agnes went over to the back door and pecked to go out. It was VERY funny and was all over with just like that. Before Lucy left we let her go out to the back yard for a potty break and she looked at Agnes (and the 2 chickens) but showed zero interest.
We bring Lucy home for good tonight. Keep us in your prayers!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I bought the Breville Juice Fountain Plus (same price as the LaLanne) and hit the closest produce isle on my way home and dropped another $40.
My first juice cocktail was:
- 2 beets
- 1 orange
- 4 carrots
- 1 kiwi
It was actually pretty good, next time I may put alittle salt in it though. Every thing went fine, I got down about 12 ozs pretty fast. BUT, about 2 hours later I'm in the car on the way to meet a friend and out of nowhere my stomach is in knots and I'm in a panic for a bathroom. I pull into a Taco Bell and as I step out of the car to make a run for it I SHART (half shit and half fart). Oh my god, the cramps are terrible. I make it to the bathroom and thank heaven's it's a private john and I can lock the door.
15 minutes later, I'm cleaned up and sacrificed a brand new pair of boxers. The cramps are over just like that. Now I'm heading back home to recover and by the time I get home I'm ready for the bathroom again.
Next day, all is well (although did I mention that my urine is DARK orange/yellow? GROSS!
I go back to the blog that turned me onto juicing to begin with and see a note about Beets. Go easy it says, they are very strong. RIGHT
I decide to try it again last night for dinner and this time I try:
- 1 beet
- 3 oranges
- 1 cucumber
- 6 carrots
- 1 head of celery
- 1 kiwi
- 1 tsp salt
It taste great! I even get my son to drink a glass. The cookbook that came with the juicer also had recipes for the pulp that is the juicer by-product. So I used it to make a meat-loaf for dinner. It was 1 part pulp with 2 parts ground beef, egg, milk and spices. It was fantastic and will be the only way I make meat-loaf from now on (alright, I don't make that dish very often but when I do this is the way I'll do it). And best of all zero bathroom issues.
So I think I'll be juicing for a while. I am really excited about seeing if I can feel a difference anytime soon.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
This is a great movie to see and is a true testament to Faith.
So today I'm at lunch with a client who is telling my about her "online dating saga". She had been chatting with some dude who "looked ok but not hot" for a while and when she talked to him on the phone she really liked his voice so they decided to meet. She gets to the restaurant first and is waiting at the bar for him. And she says when he walks in he is HUGE (now as she's telling this story she is looking down and picking at her plate. BUT - has she says the word HUGE she slowly looks up at me and then down to my belly and quicker than shit starts back tracking). She says "not that I have anything against fat, I mean heavy or overweight people. Honest, I'm not that shallow (yes, she actually said she's not that shallow). But he said in his profile that he likes to ski, long walks and ride bikes and there is no way someone that heavy could do those things".
I know how people feel about fat people (trust me your no harder on me than I am on myself), but how big of an idiot do you have to be to say those things to another fat person.
I got home alittle late but still had time for a glass of wine before meeting friends for dinner. We had a fantastic time on our date night (we try to get out once a week without the kids). So we went out to a local Italian restaurant for food, drinks and lots of kampy boy talk.
Was home by 10pm and hit my lazyboy to finish a book I was reading. The Reader by Bernhard Schlink. I've been on a kick of reading books that are current movies or tv shows.
This book was really something and I consider a must read. It spends so much time getting you to hate one of the leads but then BAM all of a sudden you are crying over it.
It really is a great book.
I had a GREAT weekend and I'll start at the beginning.
Friday - I took the day off work to work in my potting shed. I've been trying to get the converted over to a growing shed and I realize that it will be another project that just never ends. I have a largish wooden shed in the back yard this is only a few years old and very solid. It has no windows but does have 2 south facing sky lights. I spent about $100 insulating 70% of the shed and ran out of insulation so I'm trying to bring it up to a temp of 60F (if possible then I won't bother insulating the remaining 30%. If I can't then another trip to Home Depot. I've got 2 125W heat bulbs and the temp only got about 10F higher than the outside temp., so last night I put an electric oil filled heater in and this morning the temp was up to 55F. So looks like I'm off to a good start. I've got full spectrum lighting over my 3 seed trays and have them setting on a tray heater that is supposed to raise the soil temp another 10 to 20 decree's above the air temp. If all works as planned I should have sprouting seeds by the end of this week or next week at the latest. I've started a couple different types of tomatoes, peppers and lots of different herbs and flowers. I have room for 1 more starter tray that I will start soon.
Monday, January 19, 2009
- It feels just like reading a regular book (many times I've caught myself reaching up to turn the page).
- Zero to little eye strain. Nothing like reading on your computer
- Stores hundreds of books (thousands with a $15 media card), so I'm NEVER without a book to read.
- Amazing search features. You can search all the books on your Kindle for something you remember reading about earlier. You can search the internet.
- Built in dictionary, you just highlight the line your reading and with one click get fast definitions for the words in that sentence.
- You can highlight a single word or several sentence's, clip and save along with any notes you wish to make. Great ideal for book club members or students.
This is just a few of the great things about the Kindle. I can't wait to hear from others with one.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
So about 3 years ago my partner came home from a local farmers market with a 3 day old baby chicken. We named her Peep and she grew up in our home for the first several months of her life. We quickly added a small flock of more chicks, guineas, and a couple of ducks. Well, three years later we still have Peep (Bantam mix), Chicketta (a standard Blue Cochin) and Agnes (a Muscovy duck). All three females and we get 3 eggs aday. We really aren't big egg eaters so we pass them on to the neighbors. These girls really bring so much excitement to my family's lives. Agnes meets me at the gate EVERY day after work and walks me to the back door. If I don't reach down and scratch her breast she bites my ankles. Over the course of the day each of the girls will at some point be at the back door pecking on the glass wanting in. We almost always give in and let them in to roam around for a bit and then they go back to the door wanting out. Our dogs share their water bowl with them with little drama. When you open the fridge you have 2 chickens, 1 duck and 2 dogs begging. We also have a large Macaw and an African Grey. The parrots love the dogs and the dogs love the chickens and the duck but the parrots HATE the chickens and the duck and the chickens and the duck know it.
The weather have been VERY cold here this past week and the neighbors have been calling to make sure the chickens (and duck) are alright. Yesterday morning I went out to check on them and all three were still in their house (it has a heat lamp) and couldn't be coaxed out with scratch.
I'm sure I'll be writing more about the pets as this blog goes on, they really are a major highlight of our life.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Let me list a few things that SUCK about being FAT!
- Clothes - there is ONE store where I can buy clothes. Let me correct that, there is one store where I chose to buy my clothes. There are actually several Big & Tall clothing stores in my town but they either sell cloths for young Hip Hop folks or clothes for old fat white golfers. I am a white guy (not ready to say "old"), but not into golf and kids point and laugh if I wear Sean John stuff.
- Getting dressed - If at all possible I just don't wear socks or shoes that tie. It takes me about 10 minutes just to put on my socks and shoes and worse than that I'm out of breath for about 15 minutes after. Putting on my socks honest to god is a huge effort. I own clogs in several colors and styles because they are SO easy to step into. The shoes and socks are really the biggest pain for me as a Fat person. Putting on my belt (lifting my belly out of the way) also takes a minute but I do recover sooner.
- Bathroom - You knew this one was coming didn't you? Let just jump right into it - wiping my ass is a HUGE issue sometimes. I fit on the toilet fine, no issues there. But when I finish trying to get my hand back there to clean up is really a problem. Don't worry I never skip it, but sometimes it's just easier to jump in the shower and hose the damn thing out. I may be fat but I am not and hope to never be a "Smelly Fat Person".
- Eating out - I have broken several chairs in restaurants over the last few years and you just can't imagine how humiliating that is. And you NEVER agree to set outside at a restaurant because you know that they are going to have those plastic stacking chairs that will fold up under you as soon as you sit down. I have only landed on the floor twice but those two experiences will last with me for ever.
- Weddings, Theater, etc. - any where that uses folding chairs. You just can't know the feeling you get when you walk into a room and see those damn folding chairs and you know its a gamble. Do I set and pray? Do I ask for something else to set in?
- Flying - you guessed it - I don't fit in the seat and the seat belt doesn't fit me. I have ordered a seat belt extender that I travel with and it's a huge help. I actually had a flight attendant announce over the intercom that the passenger in seat so and so needed an extender on time. Getting the extender to travel with was a large stress reliever, I still don''t fit in the seats but at least only me and the person setting beside me has to know about.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
April and only expect to be off work for 3 weeks.