Thursday, November 5, 2009

When will the mirror be my friend?

Let me say up front that I've got a cold and I'm writing under the influence of OTC drugs.
Thinks are going so well. I haven't thrown up in well over a week and aside from the cold I feel AMAZING. I'm loving the gym more and more each time I go. I even enjoy the days that I don't work with Jesse now. And I think I also really enjoy it when people comment on the amount of weight I have lost (there's not a day goes by that someone doesn't comment. It's alot of attention and even though it's positive attention and it's supposed to be a good thing it really can be uncomfortable at times). I don't always feel like I deserve it. I know it's crap and I do deserve it but there's this crappy voice in the back of my mind that say's NO YOU DON'T. It's not that I'm afraid that I'm going to blow it or ruin it in some way. I just find myself really uncomfortable with the whole thing.
There are signs of hope though. I have caught myself looking at myself in the mirror more and more (sometimes even with no clothes on as gross as that is. lol). I still hate the mirrors at the gym and want NO part of them.
I'm weighing in at 297lbs now, that's an unbelievable 140lbs down. It's been years since I've seen these numbers. And my final goal weight is only 60lbs away!
I'm in a wedding this weekend and went today to pick up my tux and had to exchange the pants for a smaller pair. I told the girl last month when she measured me that she was picking a waist that was to large but she informed me that the tape measure doesn't lie:(