tomorrow is D~Day

So tomorrow I'm meeting my new trainer for a "talk". He ask me to meet him before out next workout session. That can only mean one of two things: he is going to "let me go" and wants to do it asap.

I would completely understand!!! From the bottom of my heart I think this guy might just be to nice and my "damage" might just be to much for him. For me to think that my "shit" would bring someone else down is way to much to ask. The biggest thing I HATE about sharing my story is when people say "It's amazing you have survived to even be here"!! All that says to me is they don't understand what I've been thru and they think I should be dead.

When your 5 and someone is raping you, you really don't get the option to say "STOP, I don't want this so let me check out". Or when your 18 and a group of 5 guys are holding you down, ripping off your cloths and holding a knife to your throat you don't really think about saying "STOP, I don't want this so let me check out"! Not surviving is not an option and that SUX. But here we are, I'm 44 and I have survived and I now have no choice but to deal with it.

I'm hoping that he wants to get together so we can figure out a "plan" on how he can help me be a better/stronger person.

I'm holding out that there is a chance that God has sent him to me and he is GOING to help me be a stronger person. A person who can stop living in fear......