Friday, September 23, 2011

1rst step

This past Wednesday I drank 5 bottles of wine. 1 before 8:30am on my way to work. The second I keep in my car and snuck out several times during my work shift and actually finished that bottle before my work shift was over and then I stopped on my way home and bought 2 more bottles and finished them before 6 pm that night so I walked up to the store for the 5th.
I actually got up in the middle of the night and checked to be sure I didn't have any left.
I did make it to the gym by 5;45 am the next morning but dude was I a mess.
My family wasn't speaking to me they were so mad at me over it and my husband "laid down the law" and basically said that I was destroying out family.
I had read 2 of the AA books I had bought and spent quite a bit of time on their website so I decided I HAD to get to my first meeting.
I found a meeting at 9:30 am that morning and drove around it 3 different times and chickened out and went to the park to read from the prayer book I bought and decided that I would try again for the 11:15 am meeting. So I made up my mind that I had to do this.
I pulled up at the meeting and didn't even sit in my car I just walked up and talked to a couple of guys who were hanging out on the porch. They welcomed me in right away and really made the process as easy as possible.
I was SO nervous and just knew I would throw up before it was all over.
Well, it was amazing. Everyone was so nice and everyone of them told me their store and how much better their life was without booze. It really was very inspiring.
So it's been 2 says now without ANY booze and my stomach is a mess. I've had terrible cramps and lots of diarrhea.
My "temptation" level is much lower than I expected but I'm worried about the weekend. My plan is to make sure I don't have anytime alone. I really don't think I can trust myself just yet.
My husband said he was really proud of me the day I went to the meeting and hasn't brought it up since. I really think I could use someone to talk to about this. Everyone at the group suggested I get a sponsor asap even if I only get a temporary one. I'm guessing this is why.
I am proud of myself for taking this step and I know if I join this AA group they will be there for me and I know that GOD is always there for me.

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