follow up

it's been about 8 hours since my last post and I've stopped crying but I'm sure that isn't going to last thru the end of this post.

I've reread the post a couple of times during the day and I know I should be embarrassed by it but I'm not and in fact I somewhat proud of it. I've noticed a trend in my last few post and that trend is: they are getting more and more honest. More real. They don't hurt any less and if possible im actually hurting more but it would seem that I have to hit bottom before I can crawl to God and beg him to help me become whole again.